I am all of 78 years old and proud of it! Yes, it is true. I celebrated my 30th birthday in the presence of a
group of 70 and 80 years old at a retirement-assisted home in northwest Louisiana, the name of which I
have forgotten. Back in the old days I played the piano at various functions including a gig at this particular
home. By the way, right after college I got busy teaching school and programming computers, and through
the years I have greatly curtailed my piano playing, so that today I can hardly play anything. I've even
forgotten where middle "E" is.
Anyway, the little old ladies at the home had enjoyed my playing and requested that I return soon.
Something about that group of elderly folks intrigued me, and to make a long story short, I did return, and I
returned several times. As a matter of fact for a year or so I was a weekly visitor at the home. It was there
that I learned to play double-nine dominoes, five-card stud, and drink strawberry floats (strawberry
ice-cream and soda). Most of those visits occurred during the 29th year of my life on this earth, and since I
was a regular there, it was only natural that I would celebrate the big 3-0 with my new-found friends.
The two main contenders for this young man's attention were Mabel and Esther. Mabel was severely
stricken with crippling arthritis and was confined to a wheelchair. Esther was also wheelchair-bound, but
there was nothing wrong with either of these ladies' minds. They were very good at dominoes and always
cognizant of which dominoes had been played and which had not. At each visit I was obligated to be first
the partner of one then the partner of the other. They were each very competitive and, despite being
friends, were extremely jealous of each other and vied hard for this young man's attentions.
On my many trips the two of them and I and one of the other residents could be seen sitting around a table
either engrossed in a good game of double-nine dominoes or a game of five-card stud. Many of the
residents would often have visitors, and occasionally one of these would walk past our table, take a look at
me, and say something like, "Don't tell me that you are a resident, too!" Whereupon I always responded
with my pat retort: "I'll have you know that I'm all of 78 years old and proud of it! Now quit pottering about
Esther (or Mabel, whichever the case) and deal the cards!" The ladies always got a kick out of that.
It was on one of my visits that Mabel informed me that the powers that be had decided to allow the
residents to keep pets. The two old ladies were not very fond of this idea, and I had my misgivings about
the idea also. Nonetheless, within a short time a few of the residents had taken the new rule to heart. Here
and there a cat would appear, slinking around up and down the hallway, or in and out of someone's room.
In the meantime I had begun to learn the art of stud poker. Stud poker is not about cards -- it is about
nerves. I found myself in a pot with Mabel. I recall it well. The pot was about 40 cents, I had two pair
showing and Mabel had four to a spade flush showing. I pushed in a nickel and Mabel raised me all-in,
about another 30 cents or so. No way would she do that if she didn't have the flush, I thought to myself. I
could have had a full house for all she knew, but I didn't, and since the only thing I could have done is call, I
folded instead, whereupon Mabel turned over a club. Bluffed! "Hang around, young man, and I'll learn you
a lesson or two," she said with a wry smile.
There was another time that Mabel was sitting there holding four to a straight. I had three of a kind, with a
pair showing. She bet, I raised, then she went all-in again. Well, I wasn't going to be made a fool of again so
I called, whereupon Mabel turned over a joker. "Ha! Hang in there, young man, and I'll learn you a lesson
or two." Altogether over a year's time I estimate that I lost about a month's pay to those ladies.
And there was that "other time." In my several years of playing poker I've held a royal flush maybe three
times. They are rare, but not that rare. You tend to see straight flushes in Omaha more than any other
game, since you have more cards to play with, but a royal flush is virtually never seen in five-card stud.
Well, on this particular occasion I wasn't holding a royal flush, but I held three to a straight flush when I
decided to make my move. Since I had three to a straight flush I at least had three to a flush, and in this
case three to a straight, so for Mabel to call my all-in might be a bit risky for her. Nonetheless she called
and we prepared for the fourth card to fall when all heck broke loose. Right at that moment a cat came
flying across the table with a very large dog close behind. The cat went over the table, and the dog went
under the table, and between the two animals cards went flying, coins went careening, and little old ladies
went tumbling backwards in their wheelchairs. And I sat there completely in disbelief at what I had just
witnessed. The once-in-a-lifetime hand gone in an instant!
The old ladies baked a cake for my 30th birthday, and we had a big party. We held a double-nine domino
tournament. I made it to the next to the last table with Esther as my partner. On that table we were up
against Mabel and her partner. They knocked us out unceremoniously, whereupon Mabel informed me that
I had a "lesson or two" yet to learn from her.
Time would move on, and I would find myself having moved away. I moved from North Louisiana to South
Louisiana to attend college. I would on occasion make a return visit to the home where my two elderly
friends resided. Within a year or two the sad news greeted me that Esther had passed away, and on a
subsequent visit learned that Mabel had been moved to a nursing home. I was warned that Mabel's mind
was not as good as it had been, but I went for a visit anyway. It was a sad affair. Mabel told me in a very
matter-of-fact way that her roommate was hiding her grandson under her pillow, taking him out at night and
playing with him when the nurses were not around. She offered to show me, but I declined. She begged
me to take her away from that place because she didn't like being there. I eventually managed to excuse
myself as diplomatically as I could. I never saw Mabel again.
But before leaving the nursing home parking lot that day I sat in my car and thought back to those days
when Mabel had her good faculties. I thought about how she had managed to outwit me so well at poker
and at double-nine dominoes. I sat and thought about how sad it is that we must all grow old and leave our
families and friends. I thought about the dog and the cat that had spoiled my perfect hand of poker. And on
that day I sat there and wished that I had more time to "learn a lesson or two" from Mabel.
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